As the title says life for me hasn't been good and it's not getting any better....
It's been three weeks since my time was up at my retail job (for those who don't know my position was a seasonal/temporary). I thought they would keep me because I did my best over there but they couldn't because they had their reasons, and no not one of those reasons is because I didn't a poor job oh no I did my best but another reason that I can't say.
Since those weeks I've been apply to many places, even the same retail job that I had over the last few months but every time I called them to ask about my applications, ( I applied for 4 positions there, still waiting on 2) they always seemed to have some sort of excuse, telling me they hadn't looked into them or telling me that they would call me. As of today still no word for them (And they even told me if I wanted to stay with them, go online and fill out the applications).
I even applied for other places and already today I found out for one of the positions they're looking for someone else.
Because of that my mom was upset by the fact they keep coming up with these excuses and she's upset with me. She's upset by the fact that I'm a college graduate with a Bachelor's Degree who's applying for these types of jobs and that I should be applying for the job I went to college for (which I HAVE been doing since last year after my internship finished but no one has been getting back to me). She's annoyed that for the past three weeks I've been home in the house and on my laptop (Again let tell me you all I'm in no way trying to stay home on purpose to stay on my laptop, I do want to get my butt out and get my butt to work so I can make some money. Again I don't want to be home all the time). She told that I should have gone for a different major when I was in college, like in Business. And for when I took my internship, I went to the wrong place and chose poorly. The way she talked to me made me feel like a disappointment and made me feel depressed yesterday and today.
....and she's right...
I shouldn't have listened to my sister and switch my major into the media department, I shouldn't have listened to other people ( teachers, the higher ups in college, etc) , and I shouldn't have chosen poorly with my internship. I've made so many mistakes during my college life that I've fucked up my life. And now I haven't been working for three weeks without a job, and it's gonna be close to a month now.....
I'm just a giant fucking disappointment to my family. No wonder my sister left home almost 4 years to get away from them.
I've made so many fucking mistakes....I really am so fucking stupid...why didn't I listen to my father when he talked to me so many times, why did I chose poorly at that stupid internship, why did I have to switch to that major?!, why didn't I go for the Business major?! Fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm so stupid! Damnit I'm a stupid idiot, why damnit why?!?!?!?! Why didn't I listen to my family why?!?!?!
I'm ok now, I was just pissed about myself this morning but now I'm alright for now. I'm not going to do anything crazy.